Following Christ is not safe. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard people say that. Even now, I say it with residual tones of bitterness. But also with a better understanding, I think, of the truth. Jesus never begged for anyone to follow him. He told them the truth…. that Life was in Him, but that it requires sacrifice. And sacrifice is not easy. it is not lip service. it is not happy. it is not clean and compact and sterile. Sacrifice hurts. A lot. Jesus, of all people, knew this. Even God himself made a sacrifice in this relationship. He had to let his kid be picked on, abused, and murdered if he was going to keep the same fate from happening to each of us.
When Jesus gave us the choice to follow him, he offers us a better life in exchange for our current life. all of it. Sure, Jesus will give us strength to give up our addictions, to get rid of all the junk that we hate about ourselves. He offers forgiveness. But he also requires us to offer to him the things we love, even down to our motives themselves. Jesus wants everything. and that hurts. Think Abraham and Isaac. Think the story of the rich man. Think Matthew 10.37-39. ‘If you love your father or mother more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it, but if you give up your life, you will find it.’ Your mom and dad, your children are not something evil that God wants to purge from your life. Dave was definitely the biggest blessing i’ve ever had. But when they become a larger love in your life than God is…. that is where it (not they, not you…. but the desire, the love itself) becomes a sin. I would have died for Dave, if I had to. God gave me the Abraham/Isaac test…. and I failed, miserably. It was not that I didn’t love Dave enough or that I stopped loving him when he moved… but it was that I loved him too much. So much so, that I was not going to give him up, even when it was my God asking. I cannot even count how many nights I fought God over this. I almost pity my pillows and cell phone, they got thrown across my bedroom so many times. not a pretty sight.
It’s called a sacrifice for a reason. Its not easy. and it definitely doesn’t feel good. getting beaten and dying didn’t feel good to Jesus. Knowing you had to be the one to kill your only son Isaac i’m sure didn’t feel at all good to Abraham. Trust me, letting go of the love of my life does not feel good. But if I believe God has something even better than Dave’s love in store for me, that’s what he requires of me, of everyone. He requires you give up the parts of yourself that you didn’t like anyways AND the parts of your life that you absolutely love. Some things He will let you keep (Isaac lived) some things he won’t (Dave won’t ever look back). God didn’t spare Jesus at the last minute, like he did with Isaac. but thats where God’s promises come in. Thats where faith is. Faith that God has something better. but it is blind faith. I still do not know what could possibly be better than Dave’s love. But God promises. and tha should be enough. I cannot honestly say that I can completely take that step of faith yet. I’m not there yet. I’m empty handed but in His hands…. I can only hope God pulls thru for me on this.
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Now I’ve found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
from: Majesty (Here I Am)
the song in worship tonight that hit me hard. all that and that was before the sermon had even started.
