God’s whooping my butt… again.

so part two of how God’s whooping my butt: tonight’s teaching.

Ursula taught out of Galations 5.

Back story: I’ve been struggling with the whole ‘affections’ of sin… holding those affections too close for my own good. the last few days have been case in point.

So Ursula opens Galatians, which is a pretty sweet chapter. amazing teaching.
A couple of things hit home. A conversation I had with a friend who posed a question to me: well, why not have some fun and just say sorry at the end? you know He’s going to forgive you.

answer: Galatians 5:13. For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters, only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence, but through love, become slaves to one another.

check.

second take-away: there’s a war going on between the flesh and the spirit. The result isn’t going to he a negotiated peace, but an ultimate execution of the losing side (flesh). So it’s what allegiance you’re pledging to? Spirit, or flesh?

third takeaway, which made tears come to my eyes. The lovely reflective question at the end: How are you doing? Do you need to renew your allegiance to the Spirit? busted.

part of Galatians 5, from the Message:

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom.

22-23But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

23-24Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.

and one last thing. song lyrics from worship: “Hold me close, let your love surround me. bring me near, draw me to your side.” it moved me singing it, in more of a secular way, b/c i long so much for that intimacy with a close confidante, someone more tangible than perhaps God. but then it came up again during prayer. one of the girls praying with me, felt God bring those words to her mind. I just broke down cryaing. God knows. he knows.

God’s whooping my butt…

Lots going on this weekend/week.

Sunday’s message hit home, particularly J Rue’s statement about how God not only wants to work on your sin – actions – but also eradicating your affections towards sin, as well. ouch. He talked about the utter Holiness of God, and how serious sin is, b/c it completely separate us off from God. Jesus’ sacrifice is what bridges the gap and makes relationship between me and God possible.

–question: so I understand that on a conceptual level, but on the practical level… how does that work? Does everytime we sin, we get cut off from God? and need to go through the whole repentance/acceptance of grace cycle? That doesn’t make sense. the flip side of that being, we don’t have to worry about it, it doesn’t apply to us, b/c we’re forgiven, so nothing can separate us (which is a biblical reference). But I’ve definitely felt the times when I’ve shut my heart off to God because of a certain sin or affection towards sin, and after I went through the repentance/forgiveness cycle, I felt like the floodgates open and communion with and closeness to God just rushed over me, surrounding me. Those times are pretty awesome. But do I have have to go through that process every single time? That doesn’t jive.

random philosophical question posed by J Rue’s seminary prof: If Jesus died of a heart attack, would we be forgiven?

Extended time of worship, which was awesome. During then, and most of the night as I was tossing and turning the whole theme of encouragement just kept reoccurring. It wouldn’t go away. Mental note. acted on that on monday, which was sweet, and brought it up tonight at group. really hit home for a couple of people, which was awesome. apparently I was not the only one to have been struck by that word on sunday. I love how God answers prayers. Again, couldn’t focus during prayer ministry time, so just started talking with God. THought i might have been making the whole ‘encouragement’ word up, that it wasn’t really from God. So I was like, hey, if this is from you, could you give me some confirmation? Maybe give someone the same word and they bring it forward, or something.

so when i mentioned it to the group… it hit home, and lo and behold, God had placed that in someone elses heart… and on sunday, too, the same day he placed it on mine. it was pretty sweet affirmation.

Hebrews 3:13
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Romans 8:31-39
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[a] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Teacher Being Taught

Vineyard’s computer lab got design software this past year, and they put a call out for people to teach some graphic design classes. I didn’t have a job at the time, and had plenty of time on my hands, so I agreed. I taught a kids class that just finished up last week, and this week started my ‘adult’ class. I say adult, only because its not kids. But it really is several girls roughly around my own age. The main gist of the class is learning InDesign software through building an informational pdf about a social justice cause of your choosing. Tons of fun!!

So the first class, in addition to the usual introductions and ‘what the class is about’ stuff, we walked through things to consider when developing a design solution, namely your target audience, what specific message you’re sending them, the aesthetics, the budget, and the desired action you want your viewers to take. We were talking about how those responses could be anything from increased awareness about an issue to signing up for a newsletter or buying a product, etc etc. I steered the conversation to how does one decide if a design is ’successful’ or not? If your desired response is merely to evoke a warm fuzzy feeling… how do you know if they got it? You need to ask for a more tangible response from the viewers that just ‘i’m more aware’ or ‘you’ve convinced me’. So much in this world is all about measuring success and progress. Enter epiphany moment. That’s what baptism is, isn’t it? An outward response to an inward change of heart. God sent us a message, and we’ve received it, and we’ve got that warm fuzzy feeling. But Got has asked us for a more specific response than just ‘you’ve convinced me’ or ‘i get it’. Baptism is that tangible ‘call to action’.

sweet….

Natalie Grant brain-dump

Amazing evening, and it’s not over yet! Brain dump from tonight’s dinner with Natalie Grant, then off to swing dance.

Story: 5 yr olds in cages. They’re the newbies. The new ones always fight. So they put them in cages to break their spirit.

Mike, Pastor of Vista “Ideally, how would you like things to be 10 yrs from now?”
Natalie Grant “Ideally? There wouldn’t be any more trafficked girls. It’s be completely irradicated.”
Laughter, nods.
Mike “I like that! How about right before that point?”
Natalie “I’d like to see a shelter in every major US city. There are, what, 40 beds in all of the nation right now, compared to the 350,000+ girls who need them. Theres girls being trafficking in Omaha, Nebraska. Omaha! I’d love to see every city have a place that these girls can go to.”

“the church needs to be a the forefront of this cause.”
~Natalie

“Thank you, thank you for being abolitionists. Because that is what you are. Thank you.”
~Natalie

(note to self: type up journal entry re: abolitionists)

discussion around the focus of shelters (getting girls out) vs. focusing on entry point (awareness).
“A lot of methods that are being used internationally is that people buy these girls to get them out. There’s a price in their head, and they are like, here, take the $500. And then they take the girl and get her to safety. But For every girl they take out, all it does is create a vacancy, and there are plenty of girls that the pimps know of to put in their place. …what I see saw works was [name] went there every night. Every night, they went and watched. made their presence known. and after just a few weeks, the firl showed up at the edge of her village. The traffickers got rid of her, because they got nervous. It wasn’t worth the risk…. In America, the networks are so sophisticated. SO sophisticated. Thats the role that awareness can play. Make everyone SO aware that the traffickers can’t operate, make them nervous. make it not worth the risk. You disrupt the entire pipeline.” [note, i stepped out for the first part of this story, so i don't know the details.]

–action item: tell the story of the entry point. what it looks like. older boyfriend. promises of a good job, of clothes, their own apartment. plans to move to a new town. Publicize that story, that profile. Get it into mainstream. (radio? pulpit? online? viral? word of mouth?) Get people sharing, comparing notes, neighborhood watch-esque. Be like hey, here’s a story. does this sound familiar? Girls are like, ‘how did you know all that?’ and tell them what’s in store for them. get them back to safety before they ever are in real danger. Awareness. turn up the heat. bring it out into the open. make it so its not invisible anymore. until its not worth the risk. and then give them someone to reach out to, a place to go, safety.

Mushrooms a la Hocking Hills

This one was pretty neat. Slimy, but neat. I found it on a log near lower falls at Old man’s cave.

Name: Dacrymyces palmatus – Irregular lobed mass of bright orange jelly with white point of attachment. Mushroom 3-8 to 2 3/8 in. wide, 3/8 to 1 in. high; brainlike to lobed mass. Flesh gelatinous, tough. Season: May to November. Found throughout North America.

————————————————————
so… saw another dark brown round, flat fungi. However, while I was trying to identify it on google, I realized that they all kind of look the same. So I don’t know what it was. Something along the lines of this:

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and although not Hocking Hills related, here’s one I found earlier this year at Highbanks.

Perspective

God dumped a bucket of ice water on my head the other day.

I had spent the previous couple of days feeling very angry and hurt. I could feel myself getting bitter, and my response was to want to take it out on the source. I had even gone so far as to try to initiate a conversation where I could unload, unbeknownst to them.

Fortunately for everyone involved, I was supposed to pray with a friend earlier in the afternoon, and although praying was the last thing I wanted to do at that time, pray we did. It was extremely tough for me to concentrate, much less formulate a prayer, but as I was sitting there staring at the wall, coming up with witty, scathing remarks for later that day. My mind randomly jumped to the phrase ‘love others more than yourself’. No prompting, no logical reason for that to come to me. But it brought me up short. ‘Ok….’ I thought. ‘Yeah, so what?’ which led to the chastisement: Don’t you dare take out your hurt and anger on them. They have enough coming at them as it is, I do NOT want an attack coming at them from your corner as well. You are to bring your hurt and worries and burdens to ME, I am the one that can handle them, don’t you dare unload on them.

I felt like a bucket of ice had been dumped over my head. It was as if I had snapped out of some sort of haze and could see everything in perspective. I cared about them, deeply, and I felt just awful thinking that I could have made their life worse, letting an attack come from me. Whatever God was hinting at that was coming at them…. I did not want the knowledge that I had contributed to it. It brought me up out of this tunnel of hurt and anger, so I was able to recognize that hello, the world does not revolve around me, yet the things I do have serious implications in the lives around me. I can contribute blessings or harm to others lives. And I would certainly prefer it to be blessings and not harm. Not to them, who mean so much to me.

Needless to say the conversation we had that day was much more productive and healing, rather than what it would most definitely have been otherwise.

whew.

Forgiveness

There have been lots of snippets of information have been flooding my mind lately.

lets see if I can capture some.

from xenos sunday AM: Forgiveness, Colossians

4 questions/prayers that help bring out into the light some reasons that may prevent us from having a cleansed conscience:
1. Have I ever asked fro your gift of total forgiveness through Jesus?
2. Am I evading your correction on any specific sinful behaviors or attitudes?
3. Am I relying more on my own moral/spiritual improvement than on your ongoing forgiveness?
4. Am I relying on certain people’s approval more than Your approval?

How do you know if you’re succumbing to #4? What are the warning signs?
–You find yourself not being able to be honest around a certain person, you find yourself pretending, or faking.
–It drives you crazy when they criticize you (constructive or otherwise)
–You find yourself getting overly angry when they don’t pay attention to you, seem to overlook you.

Those hit me pretty hard. and I thought I was doing well in that area, finally. not. yikes. …ok, here are some other takeaways:

Being a Christian is not about tallying up how many sins have I’ve escaped from today.

Note on being dead in our sins (why we need God’s forgiveness, and why we can’t get ourselves out of the mess).
We’re heading for judgement. We’re guilty when we get there. We’re in bondage on the way.

The truth about a ‘cleansed conscience’:
We’re realistic about our sinfulness. We know we’re washed clean by God’s forgiveness (b/c of Jesus’ sacrifice) and we’re able to bask in his approval.

“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. But if we confess our sins, God who is faithful and just will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

We never do that (say we have no sin) in a global sense. ‘Oh, of course I’m a sinner!’
But, situationally… much easier to fall in the trap of, ‘oh, i’m not doing that.’ or ‘I’d never do xx’

“God loves you where you’re at, not wheer you are pretending to be.”
Awesome quote by some guy named John Miller who wrote Repentance in the 20th century.

Wisdom of Dumbledore

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

“Fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself.”

“Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them.”

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

“Harry, I owe you an explanation,” said Dumbledore. “An explanation of an old man’s mistakes. For I see now that what I have done, and not done, with regard to you, bears all the hallmarks of the failings of age. Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young…and I seem to have forgotten lately.”

“Ah, music,” he said, wiping his eyes. “A magic far beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!”

“…in the light of Voldemort’s return, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. Lord Voldemort’s gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can fight it only by showing an equally strong bond of friendship and trust. Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.”

“And now Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.”

“Time is making fools of us again.”

“To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.”

“There is nothing to be feared from a body, Harry, any more than there is anything to be feared from the darkness.”

“It is important to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated.”

“There are all kinds of courage. It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.”

“We must try not to sink beneath our anguish, Harry, but battle on.”

“Ah, Harry, how often this happens, even between the best of friends! Each of us believes that what he has to say is much more important than anything the other might have to contribute!”

“From this point forth, we shall be leaving the firm foundation of fact and journeying together through the murky marshes of memory into thickets of wildest guesswork.”

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love. By returning, you may ensure that fewer souls are maimed, fewer families are torn apart. If that seems to you a worthy goal, then we say good-bye for the present.”

“Tell me one last thing,” said Harry. “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?”
“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

“The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution. “

“Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose what is easy and what is right.”

“We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.”

“…the true master of death does not seek to run away from Death. He accepts that he must die, and understands that there are far, far worse things in the living world than dying.”

“It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well.”

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Voldemort himself created his worst enemy, just as tyrants everywhere do! Have you any idea how much tyrants fear the people they oppress? All of them realize that, one day, amongst their many victims, there is sure to be one who rises against them and strikes back!

You place too much importance, and you always have done, on the so-called purity of blood! You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!

The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed.

If you’re holding out for universal popularity, I’m afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time.

and just for fun:
Harry was just thinking that all he needed was for Dumbledore’s pet bird to die while he was alone in the office with it, when the bird burst into flames.

If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.~Sirius Black

The Lightswitch and the Blind Person

John 1:6-9.

If this Light and Word are one, the same one that is all powerful and created all things, why on earth would that Light need a witness to testify to it? Wouldn’t everyone just immediately see the light and recognize it as light?

Imagine yourself wholly and completely blind. Think of yourself in a room, with no windows, lights off. Now, someone flips a light switch, silently. would you notice anything at all?

Go back to when the room was dark. You’re still blind. And the person spoke up and said, “hey, I’m going to turn the light on.” and then did so. They’re testifying to the fact that the light is coming on.

Even if someone told you they’re turning the light on, would you know for sure that they actually did? You’d just have to take their word for it, wouldn’t you?

Three things are going on:
1. The Light is on.
2. You can’t see it for yourself; Someone else has to tell you if its on.
3. You can either choose to believe them or not.

a) Does you choosing to believe whether or not the light is on change the fact that it’s on?
b) What if you choosing to believe the light is on instantly healed your eyes? Would you be able to see for yourself that the light is on?
c) If a second blind person came into the room, would you now be able to tell them if the light is on or not?

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. He himself was not the light, but he came to testify to the light. The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world.

Hypothesis

I should do an experiment.

I should keep a log recording exactly when I get hit really hard by ridiculous lies, and rate how extreme they are. Then log my activities in the next two or so hours.
My hypothesis: There will be a direct correlation to the timing and intensity of lies and the timing and size of opportunities that God uses me to reach out to people.

Case Study: Late evening of the 28th, wee morning hours of the 29th.
Had trouble sleeping (again) this evening, and even reading some Potter wasn’t helping. Mind racing, all with really dumb, angry, painful thoughts. finally got out of bed and typed a venting email to a friend. I’ve learned it helps to get it out, and have someone tell you you’re overreacting and point out the lies you can’t see for yourself through the waves of anger/pain/panic, whichever it happens to be. Tonight was probably a 6 out of 10 as far as intensity.

No joke, literally minutes after i hit send on the crappy venting-email did I get a phone call calling me into a hospital for SARNCO. Then a second call came in while I was still out on the first one. It is now 10 minutes until 7, and I have had zero sleep.

BUT… whatever it was that I was spazzing out in that email about (I dont even remember now, how crazy is that) is completely gone. go figure.

Why am I not convinced it was pure coincidence that I got hit super hard mere minutes before I’m needed to serve others??

Now the debate is… is it worth trying to catch a few hours of sleep, or should I just make myself breakfast and fight through the day?